Horror Remix

Here’s some classic epilogues from 2008’s Zombie screening.

The Dark Power Remix (1985)
Director: Phil Smoot
Studio: Vci Video
DVD Release Date: 2004
Original Run Time: 81 minutes
Remix Run Time: 31 minutes

The Dark Power is a independent horror film shot North Carolina in the mid eighties. The strong regional accents by the local actors gives the film a strong hint of realism. The local nature of this production is its best asset, giving The Dark Power a color and vibe a big budget Hollywood film could never pull off. The racial tension between the characters is especially real creating a sense of squeamishness. I imagine back in 1985 an “n-bomb” would still be quite shocking and as it turns out, a clever way to quickly develop an unlikeable character. You can’t wait for those racist assholes to get mutilated. Which brings me to the flaw of the film.

When it’s time to get killing, the film gets cutesy and doesn’t pack the violent punch the viewer demands. The zombies are far from scary and the make-up and costumes frankly suck. The director, Phil Smoot, seems to realize this and instead of playing it straight, the arrival of the zombies means silly time. And although the goofy ass slapstick of the rubber-masked zombies has its charms, this sharp turn in mood is unwelcome.

All that being said, this was a huge hit at last year’s Texas screening. And why not… Although The Dark Power has its flaws, this film is a lot of fun.

I was surprised to find the DVD has a commentary track because most films of this caliber rarely have extras (not to mention widescreen format!) Smoot seemed to have lots of fond memories and the project sounds like a labor of love. I thought it was cool that they did product placement for Budweiser in exchange for free beer. That’s awesome. So buy/rent the DVD and show your friends. You can find it really cheap.

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And don’t forget, 3 shows next week!

You Better Watch Out: 3 Holiday Slashers in 2 Hours!

Studio Movie Grill
Addison, TX (North Dallas)
10pm Tuesday, December 16th

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)
10pm Wednesday, December 17th

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)
10pm Wednesday, December 17th
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Hard Rock Zombies – Mini Mix
1985
Original Runtime: 98 minutes
Mini-Mix Runtime: 8 minutes!
Broadcast Quality Video Podcast

After reading on IMDB that HRZ was originally a 20 minute short film, it all makes perfect sense. Let’s face it, HRZ doesn’t have a lot to offer. It’s a drag and a damn mess. I know you’ll be tempted to see the whole film and I just cannot recommend that. I cut 90 minutes for a reason.

This movie is completely off its rocker (badmovies.org has a great review here). The attempt at comedy is painful. I guess they were trying to do a hard rock Monkees horror film. I just don’t know. BUT…

The love story…. is… awesome! The lead singer, Jessie, is tired of the groupies and the meaningless hand jobs. He wants to feel something real… real young. Jessie falls for a girl named Cassie who is half his age (and he’s in his mid-twenties)! And Cassie is not a young girl dolled up to look older. Cassie wears white overalls and rocks a ponytail. So, you get a 15 year old who actually looks 8! It’s the creepiest part of the movie.

Their love is a forbidden love. And this mini mix dives deep to explore their never ending bond. And the love theme, “Cassie’s Song” is actually a great pop song (seriously).

- Cheesecake

Here’s a YouTube version as well.

Graduation Day
1981
Original Runtime: 96 minutes
Remix Runtime: 44 minutes
Broadcast Quality Video Podcast

If there was ever a film bridging the 70s to the 80s, here it is. The perfect metaphor is the film’s featured band, Felony. All gothed out with eyeliner & puffy shirts, performing watered down metal or punk or southern rock. I don’t know what it is; but it’s really shitty. All the while, a crowd roller skates around them!

There’s a psychedelic haze over Graduation Day that’s really cool. The uneven bars gymnastic scene is a real trip. Some might call this random scene “useless filler”. I say VHS GOLD! ***Bonus*** Fight through the gymnast’s 70’s hair and check out the butt. I think we can all agree, it’s special.

Just in case you don’t believe me

So, what was cut? The chase / stalking scenes have been really cut down. And that’s about it. Those scene are a drag. They last forever and squander any goodwill the film had garnered up to that point. Really there’s only about 45 minutes of movie here, making this the perfect remix candidate.

The characters in this movie are brilliant. Inspector Halliday (Carmen Argenziano) is hilarious and should have had more screen time. And the dialog is so quotable. I only wish there was more.

Birth of Evil Moment: 100m heart attack

WARNING: nudity, tame violence, good weed, bad rock, horny Linnea Quigley

Memorial Valley Massacre
1988
aka Valley of Death
Original Runtime: 93 minutes
Remix Runtime: 45 minutes
Broadcast Quality Video Podcast

This is the beginning of our “Have a kick ass summer!” movie series. Horror Remix will be unloading ass-loads of horror classics throughout the summer.

The 1st in our series is Memorial Valley Massacre (IMDB). I think this is a damn fine film. Imagine Cha-ka from Land of the Lost as a killing machine and you get the idea. What more do you want? How about a drunk park ranger, a black biker (I never knew) and a major cock-tease? She not only teases her camp mates, but I imagine back in 1988, a handful of 14 year olds weren’t too pleased with her nudity-free performance. Now, I’m gettin’ the fuck outta here…

Birth of Evil Moment: botched hostage negotiation

WARNING: Actually, no warning. This thing is pretty tame

Cha-ka from Land of the Lost

Cheesecake & Thunderclap’s MVM Epilogue (contains spoilers)

Slaughter High Remix
(working title) April Fool’s Day
1986
Original Runtime: 90 minutes
Remix Runtime: 38 minutes
Broadcast Quality Video Podcast

“Behind every great 80’s horror film is a BIG bag of coke” – Horror Remix

Carol: “Wanna toot?”
Skip: “Hey, that stuff costs”

More than you know, Skip. More than you know…

Slaughter High is the perfect fueled-by-cocaine movie. The music sucks. I mean, it really sucks. The film looks like shit. The characters are cocky. The clothing is ridiculous. There’s no writing. Basically, there’s not much filmmaking going on here.

BUT… there’s explosions, motorcycle crashes, creative special effects, boobs, melodrama, boom mikes, a holiday theme and fake American accents. Unfortunately, you can’t see it very well. I wonder if some beautifully remastered DVD is on the horizon, because it deserves it. But I have a feeling these guys blew the budget on dry ice, fire and flooding toilets. Who needs lighting, man. It’s a fuckin’ horror film!

Birth of Evil Moment: Laced joint

Fun Facts: Plenty of interesting notes on this film (WIKI, IMDB)

WARNING: NUDITY, EXTREME VIOLENCE, DRUGS, POOP

Girls Nite Out
aka the Scaremaker
1984
Original Runtime: 96 minutes
Remix Runtime: 38 minutes
Looks great on Apple TV or full screen on your PC

“Do you believe in magic?” – The Lovin’ Spoonful

Go ahead and download this now. Don’t read about it. Don’t anticipate it. Just clear your brain and watch it. The less said about this film the better. The best way to buy the DVD is the Bloody School Girls Triple Feature DVD – (Girls Nite Out / One Dark Night / Blood Sisters). I haven’t seen the other two films, but Blood Sisters was one of the last movies by feminist / pornographer Roberta Finley and the trailer looks radical.

WARNING: NUDITY, VIOLENCE

Hack-O-Lantern Remix
aka Halloween Night
1988
Original Runtime: 86 minutes
Remix Runtime: 42 minutes

Iced
1988
Original Runtime: 86 minutes
Remix Runtime: 42 minutes

This straight-to-video snow ski slasher is a special little film; and much like skiing this thing is best when drunk or stoned. Most viewers back in the late 80’s probably pushed eject after 20 minutes or rode the whole thing out, only to be bitter after the drawn out ending.

That being said, the gold of Iced is uniquely hidden in the middle. Starts slow, ends slower. I know, completely opposite of the formula. Fear not. Horror Remix has cut this down to one mean, coke-snorting machine. The death by ski pole and icicle are pretty cool, however, it’s the six vacationers and the very dead Eddie that trash-movie buffs will love.

Magical Moments
1) Working out in the kitchen while the rest are actually trying to cook
2) Snorting coke in the bathroom… naked
3) “I’m taking a shower, then crashing, when’s dinner?”

Fun Facts
1) The lovely slut, Jeanette, is Wednesday from the Addams Family (Lisa Loring).
2) The guy who wrote the screenplay is the killer (Joseph Alan Johnson)
3) Moon boots are sneaky-quiet

- OUT OF PRINT

WARNING: NUDITY, EXTREME VIOLENCE

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