Horror Remix

Horror Remix Presents… ROAD RASH
2 Hours of Motorcycle Madness

Rated R

Wednesday, September 22th 10pm*
Free Admission!!!

STUDIO MOVIE GRILL
Atlanta (Holcomb Bridge)
Dallas (Royal)
Kansas City (*9:30 PM)

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE
Austin (Lake Creek)
Houston (West Oaks)
San Antonio (Westlakes)
Winchester, VA

We have a problem, folks. A plague of scumbags are invading our cities, corrupting our children and smoking our marijuana cigarettes. No, not skateboarders. BIKERS!

When preparing ROAD RASH, the main features were locked in, however, I still needed some material for shorts. I started poking around the internet looking for obscure bikers films. This was an interesting experiment for me, because I don’t like motorcycles. I don’t like biker culture. And I especially don’t like biker movies. Or so I thought…

Bleeding Skull had some interesting reviews of biker oddities so I gave them a shot. Then I found some more stuff. And more stuff. In the end, I discovered three things:

1. the greatest biker movie of all time is Stone
2. a new appreciation and understanding of biker culture
3. and most importantly, I had tons of material for ROAD RASH

So, now ROAD RASH is two main features and a parade of biker shorts. This is an explosive and highly offensive show. Please, don’t bring your mom.

Nightmare Beach (1988)
Not nearly scary enough to pacify most horror fans, but who cares? A scary horror film is a good horror film.

And we don’t like good.

Nightmare Beach delivers the cheeseball trash we crave. It’s spring break so, you know the beer and boobs be flowin’.  Bikini clad bitches are getting electrocuted by a mysterious (not to mention stylish) biker dude and everyone is pissed. Even the mayor! How will this terror ever be resolved? Thankfully, director Umberto Lenzi (Ghosthouse) gives us a very satisfying ‘Scooby-Doo’ resolution.

Mad Foxes (1982)
Although this is not a horror film, the content found in this Spanish exploitation flick is horrific. Mad Foxes packs a sleazy, nasty and violent punch. It’s extreme in every aspect. The bad English dubbing, extremely funny. The hero, extremely douchey. The soundtrack, extremely diverse (80s metal Krokus, electro-disco, jazz swing, saxy smooth jazz). The nudity, extremely liberal. And most shocking of all, the art direction and cinematography, extremely well done. Mad Foxes will take you through a full range of emotion within the first 5 minute and by the end, you feel like you’ve seen everything (and some things you wish you could unsee). Mad Foxes is an unforgettable, highly entertaining piece of trash. And I hope your children never see it.

So, bring your friends and GET THERE EARLY! We’ve had sell-outs this summer and I don’t want the true fans to get shut out. So, please arrive 9:30pm at the latest!!! Finally, don’t forget, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap.

SO BAD… IT’S GOOD!

Horror Remix Presents… SPORTS
2 Hours of ‘Offensive’ Horror
Rated R

Wednesday, July 14th 10PM
Free Admission!!!

STUDIO MOVIE GRILL
Atlanta (Holcomb Bridge)
Dallas (Royal)
Kansas City (9:30 PM!!!)

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE
Austin (Lake Creek)
Houston (West Oaks)
San Antonio (Westlakes)
Winchester, VA

Horror Remix Presents… SPORTS from Edward John on Vimeo.

July 14th is the only day of 2010 with no professional sporting events. It’s the day after the MLB All-Star game and the baseball players are still off. All the other major sports are off season. So, what’s a sports fan to do? Hang out with their family? Hell no. Horror Remix gots yo back with 2 hours of the most dangerous game: appalling sports-horror movies.

Fatal Games (1984)
“Winning isn’t everything, winning is the only thing.” – Fatal Games theme

The theme song may feature a tired cliché by today’s standard, but in 1984 that may have been the inspirational push to “take it to the limit…” Horror Remix likes a kick ass, fist-pumping, motivational rock song to start a horror film. Graduation Day pulled it off with “Everybody Wants To Be A Winner” and now Fatal Games bookends their movie with “Take It All The Way” (soundtrack available on Saban Records and Tapes).

Fatal Games gives that something extra to push horror fans over the top. There is a ton of nudity, a couple of memorable kills and a finale that does, in fact, “take it all the way.” There is no plot. At all. And the character development isn’t a priority. So much so, that when athletes get waxed, I don’t remember exactly who they were. That’s fine. My only concern with Fatal Games is the lack of cussing. This is fucking unacceptable.

The Majorettes (1986)
S. William Hinzman only directed 2 films, The Majorettes and the zombie classic* FleshEater (1988). And although the 2 films are completely different, you can tell that they are made by the same director.

I can’t possible describe what makes his films unique. Maybe it’s the pace or the acting. But I think it’s a technical thing; the film stock’s grain. The tone of the audio. Not sure. It just feels comfortable. Like the smell of detergent in a blanket. It’s subtle, but there.

The Majorettes is a slasher. The Majorettes is a biker film. The Majorettes is an action film. Frankly, it’s a mess. This is cool with me, however, this is probably why it could never find a fan base. No one knew what it was. However, the important elements are here: weirdness, cheese and memorable moments.
*not really a classic

Killer Workout (1986)
Once you read the title, you already know what you’re in for. Pun horror titles usually deliver the 80s cheese (Chopping Mall, Hide and Go Shriek, Iced). If you like that sort of thing, this is the pinnacle of unintentional comedy.

This is the movie that started Horror Remix. Desperately wanting the world to see this film, yet knowing no reasonable person would sit through it. Killer Workout is a very boring movie with some of the greatest moments in film history. It’s a give-take. Killer Workout gives you 10 minutes of gold for 85 minutes of your life (remix is only 35 minutes).

The soundtrack is amazing. Probably the greatest soundtrack ever made… and there is no way I’m overselling that. Uplifting-disco-synth-r&b-pop. I’m thinking Pointer Sisters without a record deal. Saturday Night Fever can’t touch this.

Spandex, legwarmers, shower scenes, ‘roid rage and bodies stuffed in lockers. Killer Workout is what you hoped for, and more.

Plus, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap.

SO BAD… IT’S GOOD!

Horror Remix Presents… DUMMY
4 Evil Puppets In 2 Hours!

Wednesday, June 16th 10PM
Free Admission!!!

STUDIO MOVIE GRILL
Dallas (Royal)
Kansas City (9:30 PM!!!)

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE
Austin (Lake Creek)
Houston (West Oaks)
San Antonio (Westlakes)
Winchester, VA

Horror Remix Presents… DUMMY from Edward John on Vimeo.

Horror Remix kicks off the summer with a no-brainer. The most under appreciated class in the horror genre; the evil doll flick. Why are dolls, dummies, mannequins and puppets so creepy? Is it because they are lifeless vessels for evil to lurk or is it our own psychosis that projects life and personality into a dummy made from wood, plastic or fabric? Regardless, these bastards are scary.

Dolls have long been a staple of the horror genre going back as far as 1937 with The Devil-Doll. Several important actors and directors have had dalliances with the possessed puppet. Anthony Hopkins played a schizophrenic ventriloquist in Magic (1978). Alfred Hitchcock and Rod Sterling both featured an evil dummy in their television shows (Alfred Hitchcock Presents… and The Twilight Zone respectively). Steven Spielberg wrote Poltergeist (1982) which features a creepy clown doll. The evil doll genre’s mainstream heyday was probably in the late eighties with the emergence of Chucky (Child’s Play) and The Puppetmaster Series (1989-2004). But these blockbusters were mere “child’s play” compared to the originality cooked up by independent and foreign filmmakers in the seventies and eighties.

The one exception being the made-for-TV shocker Trilogy of Terror (1975); three short stories linked together by actress Karen Black performing the lead role in each short. The third story, Amelia, is the focus here. The story is very simple, a Zuni fetish doll terrorizes Karen Black in her apartment. Being a primetime television broadcast, this evil bastard was on display for every innocent child to see. So laugh all you want tough guy, but back in 1975 this little fetish doll gave children across America nightmares for years.

A shining example of the evil doll genre in the independents is the mind-bending blaxploitation movie, Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984). Chester Turner’s no-budget underground classic is truly unforgettable. The shot-on-video “ghosting” from multiple generations of VHS tape editing along with the repetitive drum machine beats for the soundtrack give this film a homespun surrealism that can’t be matched. Actress Shirley Jones gives a genuine performance especially considering she is sharing leads with a doll rocking braids and beads. Even with its sever limitations and lack of resources, this is serious filmmaking, not the black comedy of boring jokesters like Chucky.

In Ghosthouse (1988), Italian horror legend Umberto Lenzi (Cannibal Ferox) combined two childhood fixtures into one; the clown doll. Because of the extreme violence of his earlier films, Lenzi’s Ghosthouse is considered a fall from grace by hardcore gore hounds. And yes, this film is perfectly goofy and ridiculous featuring many horror stereotypes. But it’s still a unique and odd contribution to the genre. Lenzi seems to play like Quentin Tarantino, pulling ideas and inspiration from all corners of the horror realm. Although the clown doll is just a small part of the evil infested throughout the ghosthouse, he is the star. On a final note, Ghosthouse has an odd assortment of alternative titles including an informal link to the Evil Dead series (Evil Dead 3, La Casa 3, House Of Doom).

The clown doll was apparently stolen from the Poltergeist props department.
Left: Poltergeist (1982) Right: Ghosthouse (1988)

Finally, our Canadian brothers offer up PIN… (1988) based on a novel by Andrew Neiderman. PIN… (short for Pinnochio) is a transparent medical mannequin with exposed organs and tissues. A doctor’s son develops a very real relationship with the educational tool. This is a creepy little film which features a shocking scene in the doctor’s office.

Check you brain at the door, with 4 wonderfully diabolic dolls. An evil clown puppet, a possessed dummy, a terrorizing fetish doll and a creepy mannequin. Are they inhabited by evil or representations of our own darkness?

Plus, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap.

SO BAD… IT’S GOOD!

Horror Remix Presents… SPRING
2 Hours of Springtime Terror!

Wednesday, April 28th 10pm
Free Admission!!!

Horror Remix Presents… SPRING from Edward John on Vimeo.

NOW IN KANSAS CITY!
Studio Movie Grill
Kansas City (Zona Rosa)

Studio Movie Grill
Dallas (Royal)
(Unfortunately, no show in Addison)

Alamo Drafthouse
San Antonio (Westlakes)

Alamo Drafthouse
Winchester, VA

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)

Graduation Day (1981)

If there was ever a film bridging the 70s to the 80s, here it is. The perfect metaphor is the film’s featured band, Felony all gothed out with eyeliner & puffy shirts, while the crowd roller skates around them!

As a scary film Graduation Day is worthless. However, there’s nudity, good weed, bad rock, horny Linnea Quigley and fantastic characters. Like the pot smoking couple who belittles a cop, the effeminate showtune-loving music teacher (who shockingly enough, likes the ladies) and the boozed-up father who throws the word “bitch” with buckets of piss and vinegar. Inspector Halliday (Carmen Argenziano) is hilarious and should have had more screen time. And the dialog is so quotable. I only wish there was more.

Graduation Day is so stoned. My God, the director is named Herb Freed! How cool is that? There’s a psychedelic haze over this film that may have you asking, ‘why did I stop smoking pot, again?’ Check out the slow-mo uneven bars gymnastic scene. Heavy.

So, what was cut? The chase/stalking scenes have been really cut down. And that’s about it. Those scene are a drag. They last forever and squander any goodwill the film had garnered up to that point. Really there’s only about 40 minutes of movie here, making this the perfect remix candidate.

Memorial Valley Massacre(1988)
aka Valley of Death

WARNING: Actually, no warning. This film is pretty tame. Damn near PG. However, I think this is a damn fine film. Imagine Cha-ka from Land of the Lost on a killing spree and you get the idea. What more do you want?

How about a drunk park ranger, a black biker (I never knew), and a major cock-tease? She not only teases her camp mates, but I imagine back in 1988, a handful of 14 year olds weren’t too pleased with her nudity-free performance.

Now, for some true comedy, here’s the actual Reel Classic Films DVD press release for Memorial Valley Massacre:

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) is widely considered to be one of the top 100 greatest classic films of all time. This great film will surely attract a whole new generation of classic movie fans. And for seasoned cinematic connoseuirs, Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) will rekindle an era of film making at its best. For others who simply enjoy watching timeless pieces with icons such as John Kerry; Mark Mears; John Caso, Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) is highly recommended. Re-released by Reel Classic Films this movie would make an ideal gift and it should be a part of everyone’s personal DVD library.

You’re right Reel Classic Films, this film is an ideal gift for everyone! And now it’s Horror Remix’s gift to you.

Slaughter High (1986)
aka April Fool’s Day

“Behind every great 80’s horror film is a BIG bag of coke” – Horror Remix

Carol: “Wanna toot?”
Skip: “Hey, that stuff costs”

More than you know, Skip. More than you know…

Slaughter High is the perfect fueled-by-cocaine movie. The music sucks. I mean, it really sucks. The characters are cocky. The clothing is ridiculous. There’s no writing. Basically, there’s not much filmmaking going on here.

BUT… there’s explosions, motorcycle crashes, laced joints, creative special effects, boobs, melodrama, boom mikes, a holiday theme and fake American accents. Yes, this is a British film trying to pass off as American, and when a anglo-asian girl tries to say ‘Come on you guys, let’s party’ with an American accent, it may be the weirdest human sound ever.

When I first watch Slaughter High it was from a terrible VHS tape. The chase scenes were unwatchable. You couldn’t see anything. Then, in 2009 it was finally released on DVD, but it was from a VHS transfer. The quality was still terrible. Fortunately, just a few months ago, a French distributor drop a beautiful widescreen version and it is awesome. So, if you’ve seen Slaughter High, this will be the first time you can actually see it. Thank you internet!

So why is this part of the ‘SPRING’ remix? Slaughter High’s working title was April Fool’s Day, but another horror classic under the same name was being released that same year.

Fun Facts: Plenty of interesting notes about this film (WIKI, IMDB)

So, bring your friends and GET THERE EARLY! And don’t forget, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap.

SO BAD… IT’S GOOD! and FREE!!!

THE BEST OF EIT!
STUDIO MOVIE GRILL DALLAS – ROYAL
MARCH 18, 10PM
$9.25

Remember when video stores were on every block, no matter how small the city? Every town had at least one gas station and a video store (in my case, they were the same thing). You had the well traveled New Release section or Action/Adventure or even Family or Comedy. However, every once in a while you couldn’t find the movie you really wanted to rent.

Was it checked out?

Maybe it was put in the wrong section?

You begin to scan every VHS box, fast-walking down every row, every section. Then, something begins to feel strange. You’ve entered a section of the video store that no one EVER goes. The VHS boxes are dusty and faded by the sun. They look old, but somehow have never been opened. Instructional videos, workout videos, religious videos all wrangled into the Miscellaneous section. Oh no! Not the Miscellaneous section!

The blog Everything is Terrible! is the Miscellaneous section of the internet. They are a collective of video dumpster-divers who travel to world of garage sales, thrift stores and flea markets searching for obscure, weird and wacky VHS tapes. But that is only half the genius of EIT! They then have to actually watch this trash and edit it down to only the very best moments. There is a certain rhythm to their editing that displays a true understanding of comedic timing; trash in the hands of experts.

As much fun as it is to watch mind-melting video trash on your computer, I have a feeling it’s even better in a crowded theater with friends and beer. Horror Remix is proud to bring The Best of EIT! to Dallas at Studio Movie Grill – Royal. 

And here’s a list of other upcoming shows nationwide…

ALBQUERQUE, NM
THE GUILD CINEMA
APRIL 2, 10:30 PM

TUSCON, AZ
THE LOFT CINEMA
APRIL 3, 9pm

PROVIDENCE, RI
CABLE CAR CINEMA
MAY 1, 7:00 & 9:30 PM

The government can’t provide free health care, but your ol’ pals at Horror Remix has the cure for all your ills.  Not free drugs (BYOD), but free laughs!

Laughter is the best medicine and we have plenty for you to smile about. Three ridiculous medical horror films, shorts and puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap. So bad, it’s good!

Horror Remix Presents… Health Care
2 Hours of Medical Madness!

Wednesday, February 10th, 10pm
FREE!!!

NOW IN SAN ANTONIO!
Alamo Drafthouse
San Antonio (Westlakes)

Alamo Drafthouse
Winchester, VA

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)

Studio Movie Grill
Addison, TX (North Dallas)

Horror Remix Presents… Health Care
2 Hours of Medical Madness!

Wednesday, February 10th, 10pm
FREE!!!

Horror Remix Presents… Health Care from Edward John on Vimeo.

NOW IN SAN ANTONIO!
Alamo Drafthouse
San Antonio (Westlakes)

Alamo Drafthouse
Winchester, VA

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)

Studio Movie Grill
Addison, TX (North Dallas)

Visiting Hours (1982)
Visiting Hours is a Canadian thriller with hints of slasher elements. The acting is terrific and stalker Colt Hawker (Michael Ironside) is creepy as hell. The claustrophobic atmosphere and surprising cameo by William Shatner, make Visiting Hours an underrated film, despite its shortcomings (no boobs, no blood).

Hospital Massacre (1982)
A Valentine’s Day treat! Sliding comfortably into two horror sub-genres (medical slasher & valentine’s day slasher), Hospital Massacre is as ridiculous as it sounds. The opening sequence is a flashback to Valentine’s Day 19 years previous and puppy love is in the air. Fortunately for us, hearts get broken (literally).
Barbi Benton, 80s Playboy bunny and Hef’s former girlfriend, plays the final girl waiting for test results at the dankest hospital you’ve ever lit a cigarette at. Then, someone tries to kill her. Good enough for me.

The Last Slumber Party (1988)
Completely unrelated to the Slumber Party Massacre trilogy, The Last Slumber Party is a painfully cheap little gem; no boobs and all the kills are the same. However, if you can fight through the initial shock of seeing such a poor quality film, you’ll eventually get with the program and find many small rewards.

The only reason this film work is the likable characters. The girls are sweethearts, but they like to drink, cuss, smoke weed and fool around. These girls are great. And the dudes crashing the slumber party are so goofy. All these kids are hilarious and when they start getting waxed, it’s a bummer. One of the very few films when you want the characters to make it out alive.

The parking lot scene is solid gold. I’ve watched it about 15-20 times and it always makes me laugh. Throwing empties at the scooter-riding nerd, “Science”?! What else do you want?

So, bring your friends and GET THERE EARLY! And don’t forget, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap.

SO BAD… IT’S GOOD! and FREE!!!

Horror Remix Presents… You Better Watch Out!

2 Hours of Holiday Slashers
Wednesday, December 23rd 10PM
FREE!!!

NOW IN VIRGINIA!
Alamo Drafthouse
Winchester, VA

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)

Studio Movie Grill
Addison, TX (North Dallas)

Horror Remix Presents… You Better Watch Out from Edward John on Vimeo.

Start a holiday tradition like no other. Three holiday horror classics sliced and diced down to a power-packed 2 hours. Plus, lots of fun extras, shorts and your puppet MCs, Cheesecake and Thunderclap. SO BAD… IT’S GOOD!

Iced (1988)
This straight-to-video snow ski slasher is a special little film; and much like skiing, this thing is best when drunk or stoned. Iced is the type of movie that get better with repeated viewings. If that’s the criteria for a great film, this might be a masterpiece… of shit.

In terms of traditional filmmaking, it does everything wrong. However, for a slasher film, it does everything right. When these two polarizing forces collide, a huge explosion occurs and cocaine rains down on the entire film… Iced is born. Don’t eat the red snow.

Christmas Evil (1980)
A really great, well made film, even with its ridiculous premise and even more ridiculous ending. Basically, Christmas Evil is a character study of a righteous man slowly going insane, and eventually believing he’s Santa Claus. This innocent delusion suddenly becomes dangerous and naysayers who don’t believe get waxed.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1987)
This movie gets universally dogged for being one of the great rip-offs in film history. And rightfully so. Almost half of its runtime are clips from the first film! It’s shameless; yet awesome. You see, SNDN 2 essentially makes the original obsolete. All the good stuff from the first is here, plus new stuff. The combination of the two creates one of the largest body counts I’ve ever seen.

If you don’t treat the original like sacred art, you’re sure to enjoy this money grab. Terrible acting. Groan inducing one-liners. Unique kills. This is a really fun movie and a true crowd-pleaser.

We’ve finally made the leap outside our friendly hometown state of Texas and our first stop is historic Winchester, Virginia. The first show will be Wednesday, December 23rd at the brand-new Alamo Drafthouse. More details follow next week.

This will be an important show for many reasons. Most importantly, we need to prove Horror Remix can be successful outside of Texas. If that’s the case, our screenings could start popping up all over the country (including your hometown).

If you know anyone who lives in north Virginia or west Maryland, please tell them about this show. Your efforts would be greatly appreciated.

Horror Remix Presents… ZOMBIES 2 from Edward John on Vimeo.

Horror Remix Presents… ZOMBIES 2
2 Hours of UnDead Madness!

Friday, October 30th 10PM
4 TEXAS SHOWS! FREE!!!

Alamo Drafthouse
Austin (Lake Creek)

Alamo Drafthouse
Houston (West Oaks)

Studio Movie Grill
Addison, TX (North Dallas)

Studio Movie Grill
Dallas (Royal)