Horror Remix

Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Lawrence, KS – The Bottleneck (9pm)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Scottsdale – Studio Movie Grill (10pm)
Dallas – Studio Movie Grill (10pm)
Atlanta – Studio Movie Grill (10pm)
Austin – Alamo Lake Creek (10pm)
Houston – Alamo West Oaks (10pm)
Winchester, VA – Alamo Drafthouse (9pm)

Saturday, March 31, 2012
Katy, TX – Alamo Mason Park (10pm)

Metaphorically, the holiday slasher is generally consistent with the importance of that particular holiday. The bigger the holiday, the better the slasher. Upon intial release the spring slashers were widely regarded as pale imitations of Black Christmas, Halloween, and My Bloody Valentine. While this is 100% true, Graduation Day, Memorial Valley Massacre, and Slaughter High have a place in this world. Nothing groundbreaking here. Just satisfying little slashers that go down easy with beer.

Graduation Day (1981)

If there was ever a film bridging the 70s to the 80s, here it is. The perfect metaphor is the film’s featured punk band, Felony (all gothed out with eyeliner and puffy shirts), performs while the crowd roller skates around them!

As a scary film Graduation Day is worthless. However, there’s nudity, good weed, bad rock, horny Linnea Quigley, and fantastic characters. Like the pot smoking couple who belittles a cop, the effeminate showtune-loving music teacher (who shockingly enough, likes the ladies), and the boozed-up father who throws the word “bitch” with buckets of piss and vinegar. Inspector Halliday (Carmen Argenziano) is hilarious and should have had more screen time. And the dialog is so quotable. I only wish there was more.

Graduation Day is so stoned. My God, the director is named Herb Freed! How cool is that? There’s a psychedelic haze over this film that may have you asking, ‘why did I stop smoking pot, again?’ Check out the slow-mo uneven bars gymnastic scene. Heavy.

So, what was cut? The chase/stalking scenes have been really cut down. And that’s about it. Those scene are a drag. They last forever and squander any goodwill the film had garnered up to that point. Really there’s only about 40 minutes of movie here, making this the perfect remix candidate.

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)

WARNING: Actually, no warning. This film is pretty tame. Damn near PG. However, I think this is a damn fine film. Imagine Cha-ka from Land of the Lost on a killing spree and you get the idea. What more do you want?

How about a drunk park ranger, a black biker (I never knew), and a major cock-tease? She not only teases her camp mates, but I imagine back in 1988, a handful of 14 year olds weren’t too pleased with her nudity-free performance.

Now, for some true comedy, here’s the actual Reel Classic Films DVD press release for Memorial Valley Massacre:

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) is widely considered to be one of the top 100 greatest classic films of all time. This great film will surely attract a whole new generation of classic movie fans. And for seasoned cinematic connoseuirs, Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) will rekindle an era of film making at its best. For others who simply enjoy watching timeless pieces with icons such as John Kerry; Mark Mears; John Caso, Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) is highly recommended. Re-released by Reel Classic Films this movie would make an ideal gift and it should be a part of everyone’s personal DVD library.

You’re right Reel Classic Films, this film is an ideal gift for everyone! And now it’s Horror Remix’s gift to you.

Slaughter High (1986) AKA April Fool’s Day

“Behind every great 80’s horror film is a BIG bag of coke” – Horror Remix

Carol: “Wanna toot?”
Skip: “Hey, that stuff costs”

More than you know, Skip. More than you know…

Slaughter High is the perfect fueled-by-cocaine movie. The music sucks. I mean, it really sucks. The characters are cocky. The clothing is ridiculous. There’s no writing. Basically, there’s not much film making going on here.

BUT… there’s explosions, motorcycle crashes, laced joints, creative special effects, boobs, melodrama, boom mikes, a holiday theme, and fake American accents. Yes, this is a British film trying to pass off as American, and when a anglo-asian girl tries to say ‘Come on you guys, let’s party’ with an American accent, it may be the weirdest human sound ever.

So why is this part of the ‘SPRING’ remix? Slaughter High’s working title was April Fool’s Day, but another horror classic under the same name was being released that same year.

Fun Facts: Plenty of interesting notes about this film (WIKI, IMDB)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Scottsdale, AZ – Studio Movie Grill ***PREMIERE*** (10pm)
Dallas – Studio Movie Grill (10pm)
Atlanta – Studio Movie Grill (10pm)
Austin – Alamo Lake Creek (10pm)
Houston – Alamo West Oaks (10pm)
Winchester, VA – Alamo Drafthouse (9pm)

Saturday, March 3, 2012
Katy, TX – Alamo Mason Park (10pm)

While most sports fans are about to experience post Super Bowl blues, Horror Remix is high-fiving tight ends and pounding tall boys. Wait… that came out wrong. Regardless, we like sports and more importantly horror films + sports! So, don’t be sad, friends. Horror Remix gots yo back with 2 hours of the most dangerous game; appalling sports-horror movies.

Fatal Games (1984)
“Winning isn’t everything, winning is the only thing.” – Fatal Games theme The theme song may feature a tired cliché by today’s standard, but in 1984 that may have been the inspirational push to “take it to the limit…” Horror Remix likes a kick ass, fist-pumping, motivational rock song to start a horror film. Graduation Day pulled it off with “Everybody Wants To Be A Winner” and now Fatal Games bookends their movie with “Take It All The Way” (soundtrack available on Saban Records and Tapes).

Fatal Games gives that something extra to push horror fans over the top. There is a ton of nudity, a couple of memorable kills and a finale that does, in fact, “take it all the way.” There is no plot. At all. And the character development isn’t a priority. So much so, that when athletes get waxed, I don’t remember exactly who they are. That’s fine. My only concern with Fatal Games is the lack of cussing. This is fucking unacceptable.

The Majorettes (1986)
S. William Hinzman only directed 2 films, The Majorettes and the zombie classic* FleshEater (1988). And although the 2 films are completely different, you can tell that they are made by the same director.

I can’t possible describe what makes his films unique. Maybe it’s the pace or the acting. But I think it’s a technical thing; the film stock’s grain. The tone of the audio. Not sure. It just feels comfortable. Like the smell of detergent in a blanket. It’s subtle, but there.

The Majorettes is a slasher. The Majorettes is a biker film. The Majorettes is an action film. Frankly, it’s a mess. This is cool with me, however, this is probably why it could never find a fan base. No one knew what it was. However, the important elements are here: weirdness, cheese and memorable moments.
*not really a classic

Killer Workout (1986)
Once you read the title, you already know what you’re in for. Pun horror titles usually deliver the 80s cheese (Chopping Mall, Hide and Go Shriek, Iced). If you like that sort of thing, this is the pinnacle of unintentional comedy.

This is the movie that started Horror Remix. Desperately wanting the world to see this film, yet knowing no reasonable person would sit through it. Killer Workout is a very boring movie with some of the greatest moments in film history. It’s a give-take. Killer Workout gives you 10 minutes of gold for 85 minutes of your life (remix is only 35 minutes).

The soundtrack is amazing. Probably the greatest soundtrack ever made… and there is no way I’m overselling that. Uplifting-disco-synth-r&b-pop. I’m thinking Pointer Sisters without a record deal. Saturday Night Fever can’t touch this.

Spandex, legwarmers, shower scenes, ‘roid rage and bodies stuffed in lockers. Killer Workout is what you hoped for, and more.