We don’t aways screw around here at Horror Remix. Sometimes we even give back. For Earth Day, we bring you a grave warning from caveboy, Steve. A poignant metaphor of the environment lashing back at the disrespectful.
April 20th, heed the warnings of Steve and…
plant a native tree
adopt a kitten
eat only grass
stop wiping
and quit drinking bottled water!
Slaughter High Remix
(working title) April Fool’s Day
1986
Original Runtime: 90 minutes
Remix Runtime: 38 minutes
Broadcast Quality Video Podcast
“Behind every great 80’s horror film is a BIG bag of coke” - Horror Remix
Carol: “Wanna toot?”
Skip: “Hey, that stuff costs”
More than you know, Skip. More than you know…
Slaughter High is the perfect fueled-by-cocaine movie. The music sucks. I mean, it really sucks. The film looks like shit. The characters are cocky. The clothing is ridiculous. There’s no writing. Basically, there’s not much filmmaking going on here.
BUT… there’s explosions, motorcycle crashes, creative special effects, boobs, melodrama, boom mikes, a holiday theme and fake American accents. Unfortunately, you can’t see it very well. I wonder if some beautifully remastered DVD is on the horizon, because it deserves it. But I have a feeling these guys blew the budget on dry ice, fire and flooding toilets. Who needs lighting, man. It’s a fuckin’ horror film!
Birth of Evil Moment: Laced joint
Fun Facts: Plenty of interesting notes on this film (WIKI, IMDB)
WARNING: NUDITY, EXTREME VIOLENCE, DRUGS, POOP
One of my favorite discoveries in 2007 was actress Lisa Loring, best known as Wednesday Addams on the 1960s comedy The Addams Family. In the 80’s she starred in two low-budget horror films, Blood Frenzy (1987) and Iced (1988). According to her bio on tv.com, this was dark time for her. Why? Because, behind every great 80’s horror film, there’s a BIG bag of coke. That’s why the music sucks. Iced is no exception. In fact, cocaine is basically a character in the film with all the snow & blood & ummm… coke. And although Iced was fueled by cocaine, this movie wouldn’t be much without Loring. Hopefully, she’ll sign my Iced VHS box someday. So, what about Blood Frenzy? Well, so far, I can’t find a copy (trade, anyone?). And I don’t know much about it. Only this clip…
However, my quest for Blood Frenzy wasn’t a complete failure. I discovered more VHS “blood”. So, here we go. The six “blood” films I watched over Spring Break…
From Worst to First
This is a film that’s much better to talk about, than to actually watch. A 70’s horror movie featuring:
1) man-eating cats
2) a helicopter
3) a dungeon
4) a castle
5) heads in glass boxes
6) Zulma Faiad
7) big ass liqueur glasses that must be held with two hands
Yet, it still sucks. Unfortunately, Blood Feast is very proud of their helicopter. If this was a football game the score would be Helicopter=78, Cats=2. The cats weren’t really featured as much as I hoped. But once I saw the way they were treated (in reality), I didn’t want to see them anymore. It was just sad. Shitty movie that’s not fun, just boring. Russ Meyers left shit like this on the cutting room floor. - 1972
I’ve never heard of a good Aussie horror film. Come to think of it, Australia has only a handful of good films (Rabbit Proof Fence, Shine, Muriel’s Wedding). Bloody New Year’s premise is unique, but when an 80’s horror film lack sex, drugs, blood, boobs, cheese, entertainment… I lose interest… oh and the New Year’s angle is pushing it. - 1987
Swedish butt rock band Solid Gold (aka Easy Action) shoot their video for “Blood Tracks” in the snowy mountains. It’s all eyeliner, booze, horny groupies and a dude named “Kee”. Until…
“Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I catch cold easy!”
…and the movie grinds to a halt. Endless chase scenes and when someone finally does get hacked, you don’t see much. Still, it’s worth checking out. - 1985
This is a pretty fun slasher with Frankie Avalon as the killer. Why does he kill?* Because as a boy, he witnessed his father’s murder/suicide (his slut wife & her lover). What’s a boy to do… but play a fucking flute?! And he plays and plays. Avalon is pretty creepy and the final girl’s “drink-in-the-dark” abusive father is, dare I say, a bad ass. The over-the-top ending plus the fucking flute make this film special. - 1982
*Birth of Evil Moment: when the killer as a young child, witnesses murder or adultery (Silent Night, Deadly Night I & II, the Initiation, Nightmares of a Damaged Brain, Blood Rage)
A fantastic film I just kinda lucked into from 1982. And if I’m not mistaken, an Italian film spoken in English, but mainly filmed in Germany. Got it? Cameron Mitchell has a small role and Ennio Morricone did the soundtrack. And if that weren’t true, I’d use them as the prefect metaphor for this collision of trash and class. A doppelganger theme, but with a twist; these guys are separated Siamese twins. A WTF ending, tons of nudity and the most original murder I’ve ever seen. Great stuff. - 1982
The best film I’ve seem this year. It’s got it all; drugs, booze, an evil twin, serious gore, boobs, Atari, a holiday theme (Thanksgiving!!!), cussing, partying and midnight tennis matches. This would be the perfect slasher if it had an inspirational theme song (what’s up Fatal Games). I can’t recommend this enough if you like your slashers unintentionally goofy, but still kinda creepy. - 1983
Birth of Evil Moment: The 8 year old evil twin sees mommy kissing boyfriend at the drive-in. Within a minute, boy puts ax in horny jock’s face, who unfortunately was parked nearby. Classic!!!
So there you go. Shoot me an email if you’ve got questions or anything. Happy Spring Break - Cheesecake
If you want to see Horror Remix LIVE, please demand it below, otherwise Cheesecake and Thunderclap will fade into (even further) obscurity. Only memories and old YouTube clips will remain…
I’m pleased to present Girls Nite Out Remix as a broadcast quality video podcast. You should still be able to watch the film on your iPod. However, this will also look nice on an iPhone, full screen on PC or even a HDTV. Now you can watch these shitty horror films all sorts of ways.
Personally I recommend burning the movie to a CD-R or DVD-R and watch it on your television (assuming your DVD player supports m4v). It looks pretty good. Or if you have Apple TV or connect your PC to your HDTV, even better! If you have any problems, ideas or comments, please let me know.
Finally, look for Horror Remix on MySpace and YouTube for more awesomeness.
- Cheesecake
Girls Nite Out
aka the Scaremaker
1984
Original Runtime: 96 minutes
Remix Runtime: 38 minutes
Looks great on Apple TV or full screen on your PC
“Do you believe in magic?” - The Lovin’ Spoonful
Go ahead and download this now. Don’t read about it. Don’t anticipate it. Just clear your brain and watch it. The less said about this film the better. The best way to buy the DVD is the Bloody School Girls Triple Feature DVD - (Girls Nite Out / One Dark Night / Blood Sisters). I haven’t seen the other two films, but Blood Sisters was one of the last movies by feminist / pornographer Roberta Finley and the trailer looks radical.
WARNING: NUDITY, VIOLENCE
The team that brought you the somewhat satirical slasher, Evil Laugh, got their start that same year with the ridiculous werewolf film, Hard Rock Nightmare. While this film isn’t “remixable” it does have some golden moments. And the soundtrack is terrific (if you like kicking ass).
There’s no reason to summarize the plot or prep you for these clips. Just know that these clips are the only good moments; except for the songs. They are gnarly. So gnarly, in fact, that these hot trax will be on my soon-to-be-release CD, Shredding: Songs From the Closing Credits of 80’s Horror Films…
Now, on to the 4 clips…
Tribute to John, the Bad Boys’ drummer who passed away too soon
Smokin Bones and Bonin’
“Just kiss it, OK?”
Uncle Gary vs. the Bad Boys
Hack-O-Lantern Remix
aka Halloween Night
1988
Original Runtime: 86 minutes
Remix Runtime: 42 minutes
Cheesecake and Thunderclap discuss the brilliance of Hack-O-Lantern (aka Halloween Night). The Hack-O-Lantern video podcast will be release tomorrow.
Iced
1988
Original Runtime: 86 minutes
Remix Runtime: 42 minutes
This straight-to-video snow ski slasher is a special little film; and much like skiing this thing is best when drunk or stoned. Most viewers back in the late 80’s probably pushed eject after 20 minutes or rode the whole thing out, only to be bitter after the drawn out ending.
That being said, the gold of Iced is uniquely hidden in the middle. Starts slow, ends slower. I know, completely opposite of the formula. Fear not. Horror Remix has cut this down to one mean, coke-snorting machine. The death by ski pole and icicle are pretty cool, however, it’s the six vacationers and the very dead Eddie that trash-movie buffs will love.
Magical Moments
1) Working out in the kitchen while the rest are actually trying to cook
2) Snorting coke in the bathroom… naked
3) “I’m taking a shower, then crashing, when’s dinner?”
Fun Facts
1) The lovely slut, Jeanette, is Wednesday from the Addams Family (Lisa Loring).
2) The guy who wrote the screenplay is the killer (Joseph Alan Johnson)
3) Moon boots are sneaky-quiet
- OUT OF PRINT
WARNING: NUDITY, EXTREME VIOLENCE
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